Where I’m Coming From

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Editor’s Note: The following article was written by a youth reporter who is a graduate of the Urban Youth International Journalism Program.

The things that come to a teenager’s mind…

I have realized how it feels to think less of myself. There are times when I just wanted to give up. Family, friends and school stress me out very much. In a way, I have to take care of my family.

I have a mother who parties too much. My stepfather is always asleep because he works. I have three little sisters that I am forced to take care of almost every day. On top of taking care of family, I have to deal with school. How I see school is: If I don’t do a good job in school, I can’t do good when I become older. I am not like other people who can do poorly in school and still become what they want.

It’s essential that I work hard so that I can take care of my baby sisters so they can have a better life than I do. I want them to feel loved and feel that they always have chances in life.

My friends stress me out because I don’t know who are my real friends and who are pretenders. I am just so tired of being hurt and lied to. At times, I feel I deserve this because I have done some really bad things I know that I shouldn’t be proud of. But must I feel this bad?

I could try to take the easy way out and kill myself but I have realized that is not for me and not the answer. I have to make it. I just have to for my sisters—they are just too important to me.

I love my mom. I really do. I just feel something is eventually going to happen. She has multiple sclerosis and diabetes. I am so scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t agree with my mom all the time. I feel she goes out too much but I still love her from the bottom of my heart.

Every day, I feel I have so much to do. I want to make sure I don’t disrespect my mom but still try and let her know how I feel.

Also, I feel like I have to try and make everybody else happy and it’s very hard but I really want to.

Another hard thing is that I don’t have a job and I need one to help myself out sometimes. I also want to help out my mom with bills but it’s hard when you don’t have a job.

Sometimes I feel like I am not loved and I don’t know what to do. I also know that I am not the only person who has problems in this world. I wonder sometimes if I can find somebody that I can just talk to and tell that person how I feel? But honestly, I really don’t feel comfortable telling people how I feel. I try to talk to my friends but I don’t feel they understand where I’m coming from. I don’t want them to look at me differently but I would like them to see where I’m coming from.

I also could try talking to my boyfriend but he might not understand where I’m coming from. I don’t want him to judge me. He said he wouldn’t do that to me. I really feel like I like him. He helps me out, is there when I need a hug and listens to my little problems. But I just can’t find it in myself to tell him all of my problems, although I really feel that it is important to have somebody that you can talk to.

One problem I see that affects my life if that my family expects so much of me, it’s hard to live up to their expectations. They want me to be the first female in my family to go to college and become something important in life. I have no problem with that because that’s what I want to do but they don’t want me to have a life. They want me to just go to school and take care of my sisters. I want to go out sometimes and have fun sometimes.

I feel so stressed out about school because of my family and I just don’t know what to do with that problem. I know my family just wants me to succeed in life but I just don’t like the approach they’re taking. I need support. I only have one person who takes the right approach with me—my grandmother. She knows how teenagers act and knows I mean well but still need to have fun.

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Categories: UYIJP